Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
