Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
