I never want to see another naked old woman again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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