doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize