Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
