no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
