just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
