you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
