just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
