I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
sex in a hospital.. check
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
