But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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