i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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