an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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