I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize