and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
