Only a mothe r could love this liver
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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