she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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