I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
