One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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