im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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