My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
