It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
