All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
