he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
