I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
