Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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