i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
