At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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