oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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