i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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