Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize