i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Screwed.edu
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
