I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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