im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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