am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
