Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
