Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
