Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
