Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
