You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize