Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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