worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize