Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
