Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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