highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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