She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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