Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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