so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
