I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
