So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
