I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
