I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
