I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
