Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize