On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize