Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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