I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize