Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
