my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
