Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
