I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
