i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
