I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we're making bets on your personal life
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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