I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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