I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
