Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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