Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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