DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
