She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
