Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
