Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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