That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
